Well, he actually turned 5 months on the 16th, but we were too busy visiting with NaNa to post anything on the day.
I am in love with my little Elliott - madly in love! I remember when MaryHadley and Mary visited when he was 4 weeks old (seems like a lifetime ago now), we were talking about how scary and overwhelming having a newborn can be. Mary said that your love for your baby (babies for her) makes none of that matter, and I remembered feeling guilty because although I loved Elliott that love did not make me feel any less overwhelmed and exhausted. I worried those feelings may never change. I was in awe of being responsible for this little perfect creature and amazed by him every moment, but I was still all those other things as well.
Then one day when Elliott was about 8 weeks old and we were smiling at one another, just gazing into each other's eyes all day long, I thought, "This is what Mary was talking about! I am so in love with him. I can't imagine my life without him."
Every day I fell more in love with him. I remembered once he turned 3 months laughing at the love I thought I had for him at 8 weeks - realizing it was nothing compared to how much I loved him at 3 months and feeling I could never love him more than at that moment.
Now though I understand my love for Elliott will just continue to grow and grow over time into something I can't even imagine now. That amazes me. My relationship with him amazes me. The relationship Brandon, Elliott and I have as a family amazes me. People always say it is impossible to describe the love they have for their children and how being a parent brings fulfillment they never knew possible. I always believed these statements to be truths, but it is an entirely different thing to now be living those feelings.
When I look at Elliott I bubble over with love.
How sweet and so true! You are an awesome mommy and he is such a handsome boy!
ReplyDeleteNot to put damper on your anticipation of growing love, but... :) The baby-mom connection is really something very special. Your baby changes so quickly. As soon as you feel like you know and understand him, he's doing something completely new. And eventually, he starts becoming more and more independent, which you love to see, but you also grieve over. When you see the first teeth, you grieve the loss of that gummy smile. When you finally get him to start sleeping in another bed or room, you grieve the snuggling that made your sleep difficult. I grieved anyway! I was the one who cried when I dropped Miles off at his first preschool class, not Miles! Weening? My problem! Because it really is the end - the end of era, a very short era with a person who is so different from the one you knew before. Just recognize that as unconditional and deep as your love is, it is also conditioned by the relationship you are in, and as they grow up and need you less, your love has to change, too. I don't mean to imply that you love them less! It's just different. Appreciate this special baby-love time because it won't last forever.
ReplyDeleteYou also won't realize how much love you have for your child until you see him or her become a parent. You may think you've been replaced in our hearts by those grandchildren, but you won't know until you're a grandparent yourself what an overwhelming feeling it is to see your daughters (in my case) become a mother. So you have many milestones to look forward to... try not to grieve. Ha! You know I'm the worst to give that kind of advice, but I try!
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